It’s humbling when I sit down to write my post for the month and I realize that what God is teaching me isn’t anything new, it’s just an old lesson that hasn’t stuck.  Given that, if this sounds redundant it’s because I’m prideful, lethargic, and have spiritually-selective hearing.

The time that I have with God, those moments that I spend alone with Him, intentionally reading and meditating with Him, are by far the most valuable moments of my entire day, and sometimes my week when I’m being a slacker.

The closeness and warmth He gives when we are together is beyond my creature words and creature concepts.  It’s subtle, it’s beneath my bones, it rages like a fire in my heart, and it brings peace and understanding to my mind.

Who wouldn’t hotly pursue that?

And yet, I can’t seem to make myself consistently spend time alone with Him.  My pride whispers in my ear that I can skip a few days and I’ll be fine.  I mean, He still loves me and all.  My indolence seduces me into perusing emails and blog posts or sleeping late.  My spiritually selective hearing chooses not to heed the cry of His heart for me.

Regardless, when I do miss a few days without being alone with Him, everyone can tell a difference.  I get frustrated quickly, I have an inexplicable urge to be right, even if it costs me relationally, and I have toxic thoughts towards everyone, whether I know them or not.

It’s a lot like growing a garden.  The rewards of tending my heart and letting Him trim, water and shine upon me is fruitful beyond measure.  Neglecting my garden, on the other hand, results in tall weeds and unwelcome guests.

Image

I love Him.  I haven’t always felt comfortable saying that, and I’m hesitant even now.  But I think I do.  And yet my humanity often takes the day and I give in, far too easily most of the time, to serving myself.

He relinquished His omnipotence, He walked in our flesh-and-bone limitations, and He was tempted in every way just as we are, simply so He could have His beloved back in His arms.

I can’t comprehend that.  My brain doesn’t have a slot to fit that into.

I am His reward.

Essentially, He endured the agonies of Hell for me and I have the cajones to sleep in or mess around until it’s time to leave for work instead of bowing my heart and mind before Him?

Clearly, I’ve not arrived.  You’d think that would treat my lack of humility.

Even still, no matter what may happen, I’m determined to keep my head down and persist on my journey after truth, love, and an ever-increasing desire to know Him.

And yes, sometimes that looks like discipline.  But sometimes it simply looks like walking outside in the crisp, Tennessee air and watching the beautiful, fluffy white snowflakes twirl ‘round and ‘round each other, dancing off of my cheeks and melting in my beard.  It is there that I experience a new revelation of His beauty and imminence that sinks deeper into my soul than anything else.

It’s in that moment that I realize that I cannot live without Him and in all honesty I’m tired of trying to.

Because of Him,

Brent Hemphill

P.S.

As an update on my whereabouts, I am now working with Mission 615 in Nashville, Tennessee.  Mission 615 is a ministry to the inner city and homeless people of Nashville.  I am currently working as an intern for two months where I will then be evaluated.  Given that we agree that I should stay with Mission 615, I will then work as either in-house volunteer staff, or I will fill a full-time paid position if the opportunity arises.  I’m currently looking for work so that I can help pay some bills and save for my student loans that are coming due this summer.  Thank you for the prayers and love!

Also, if you’re just now joining my journey then please know that I will not be on Facebook during my time of consecration so any messages or requests you may have sent will not be responded to for quite some time.  It’s not personal, it’s Jesus.

You can purchase Nazirite DNA here: https://store.ihopkc.org/nazirite-dna-book/dp/2188.

You can also get the free audiobook here: http://www.thecall.com/Groups/1000080325/TheCall/Free/Free.aspx

Advertisements